Wladyslaw Koscien

Wladyslaw Koscien 1951 - 2012

On April 9th, Wladyslaw Koscien, my father-in-law, lost his battle with Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (ALS).  He was 60 years old and it was far too soon for him to be taken from us.  Monika and Angela have traveled to Poland for the funeral and while I can't physically be with them, my heart is there.

I can't expound about his life because I only met him a few years ago, I can however write about some of my memories.  One memory in particular.

When Monika and I were first dating, she had told me about her family as I told her about mine.  We looked at pictures and told stories about what it was like growing up. 

As Monika described her father, she always softened a bit and I could tell she missed him.  There is a special bond between fathers and daughters and it was obvious to me Wladyslaw and Monika were no different.  Even through her description of all the wonderful things he had done for her over the years, one comment stuck in my head when she said it.  "He is quiet, but he does have a temper."  Being the guy dating his daughter this statement held significance to me for obvious reasons.

After I asked Monika to marry me (and she said yes), we planned a trip to Poland so I could officially ask her family for permission.  As the trip grew closer, I started to have some sleepless nights due to the fear of my hopefully-future-father-in-law's temper.  I imagined him saying no and forcing me to live on the streets for the extent of my vacation.  I imagined his stern expression as I asked for his permission for our marriage.  Sleepless... nights...

When we finally arrived in Poland we were staying with some cousins who live a couple hours from Monika's parents.  Our plan was to stay there for a few days prior to heading to their place.  I could relax for a few days before I pop the question.  haha... not quite.  Mr. and Mrs. Koscien made the drive up to Gdansk to meet the young man taking their daughter away.  Our initial meeting went well.  Since I don't speak Polish and they don't speak English, Monika had to act as translator.  She was able to prevent me from putting my foot in my mouth.  They were very nice, but I did notice the steely glaze from Wladyslaw when he thought I wasn't looking.  Later that evening, they drove back to Olsztyn.  I asked Monika if they liked me... she said her dad said "I seemed like a nice boy."  Ugh.

Our first night in Olsztyn was celebrated by a very nice dinner near one of the many lakes there.  In addition to Monika's family, her cousins also joined us.  The plan was to ask during dinner.  As dinner progressed, I sat in my seat trying to figure out the right time.  When dessert finally arrived I realized there wasn't a "right" time, but I would run out of time if I didn't ask now.  I stood up and asked Renatta (cousin) if she would translate for me.  I gave a speech that couldn't have lasted more than a minute or two, but it felt like an eternity.  While I was talking, Monika's mom started crying... then Renatta started crying... and even my little Monika seemed to tear up a bit.  When I was finally done and had asked the question, Krystyna (mom) immediately said yes... but Wladyslaw said he had a few questions first.  (OMG... is this happening?!?!)  I don't remember the exact questions he asked, but I remember it basically being I had to promise to take care of his daughter and love her for the rest of my life.  Easy to answer yes.  Then he asked Monika if she loved me... she said yes.  Then he FINALLY smiled at me, gave me a hug, and said I had his blessing. Thank goodness!

The rest of the trip was a breeze.  I was given tours of the city and really enjoyed getting to know my future family.  I was treated like family already and when it came time to leave it was hard to say goodbye.

Over the next couple years, we made another trip to Poland to get married and her parents made numerous trips here for the wedding, to see their new granddaughter, or just to visit.  A couple times Wladyslaw and I found ourselves alone together without a translator.  With the help of dictionaries and the internet we found ways to communicate.  I was always a little nervous in those situations, but I will always look back on the times with fond memories.  I never saw the temper Monika described years ago, and I am just fine with that.

After Wladyslaw's last trip he was diagnosed with ALS.  I remember reading about it on the internet and feeling my heart sink as I realized what he was in for.  After his diagnosis until his passing, I understand he faced every turn with courage and never let it beat his spirit.  As Monika traveled back and forth so he could see her and Angela a few more times, my regret was that I didn't get a chance to say goodbye. 

Our world has lost a loving father and grandfather.  As Angela grows up, I look forward to showing her pictures and helping her understand her family history.  Wladyslaw... Thank you for welcoming me into your family.  You will be missed.