Days are ticking away more quickly than I had anticipated. I have to move out soon. Too soon. I'm not ready. Not really, and not mentally. It is starting to hit me that I will be leaving this house. My first house. The new one is bigger. Probably better... but this was mine. It was the first one I had, and that won't happen again.
Maybe it's not the house so much as it is the time in my life that I am thinking about. Things had been pretty good career wise, but when I bought the house my personal life finally took that positive turn too. The house and the change in my life were independant of each other and only share commonality in their timing, but foever in my mind they will be linked.
Moving is always a life changing event. Sometimes for the better. Sometimes for the worse. What kind of change will this be? I think good, but we never really know. What if something happens at work and I loose my job? What if I f*&% up somehow moving out of this house or into the new one and blow thousands of dollars? What if my new house is haunted?!? Ok... new house. Not likely. And I don't really believe in that either. But it is the unknown that lies ahead of me.
Generally, the unknown doesn't give me pause. Tonight is does a little. I don't know why. I had a good time with friends tonight. Some new, some old. The evening ended early for me by choice. After a few beers and telling stories with my friends, my mind started to come to this place. This place I don't like. A place I don't want others to see. Ironically, a place I find ok to share here. A place where fear of the unknown plays a larger role than it ever should. A place that I feel alone.
I am going to call it a night with a drink and hope for a better tomorrow.
--C
Maybe it's not the house so much as it is the time in my life that I am thinking about. Things had been pretty good career wise, but when I bought the house my personal life finally took that positive turn too. The house and the change in my life were independant of each other and only share commonality in their timing, but foever in my mind they will be linked.
Moving is always a life changing event. Sometimes for the better. Sometimes for the worse. What kind of change will this be? I think good, but we never really know. What if something happens at work and I loose my job? What if I f*&% up somehow moving out of this house or into the new one and blow thousands of dollars? What if my new house is haunted?!? Ok... new house. Not likely. And I don't really believe in that either. But it is the unknown that lies ahead of me.
Generally, the unknown doesn't give me pause. Tonight is does a little. I don't know why. I had a good time with friends tonight. Some new, some old. The evening ended early for me by choice. After a few beers and telling stories with my friends, my mind started to come to this place. This place I don't like. A place I don't want others to see. Ironically, a place I find ok to share here. A place where fear of the unknown plays a larger role than it ever should. A place that I feel alone.
I am going to call it a night with a drink and hope for a better tomorrow.
--C
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